Couples and Porn – To View or Not to View

We often get asked this question when working with couples as well as individuals. Pornography, now more commonly known as “porn”, has been around in various forms for thousands of years dating back to cave dweller paintings and well-endowed clay fertility statues.

On the positive side, we have found that pornography and erotica can enhance a couple’s sex life by getting them in the mood. In these all too busy stressful hectic times, couples often find themselves lacking the motivation to be intimate with one another and watching a few minutes of porn can set the ball in motion. Watching porn can revitalize things up when “sexy-time” starts to become routine. Couples often figure out what their partner enjoys and fall into predictable patterns. There is nothing like the excitement of not knowing what is going to happen next to spice things up. Viewing pornography can also give partners new ideas or permission to play out various fantasies. For those on the more inhibited side when it comes to discussing sex, it may be a way to teach you and your partner how to be a better lover or explore uncharted territories you find exciting. Sexsmartfilms.com, offers a wide variety of educational films on sex and intimacy. Additionally, for those with a more adventurous side Tristan Taormina’s web site, Pucker.com, also offers educational/instructional videos.

The downside of pornography is that with the emergence of the internet the face of pornography has drastically changed and continues to change at a rapid pace. What was just a few years ago considered “hardcore porn” is now labeled as “soft-core porn.” As pornography has gotten more and more hardcore it has little resemblance to what was once considered erotica. Porn increasingly intermingle angry, misogynistic, demeaning, and forced sex themes. This past year, New Sensations released a new line of pornography called “The Romance Series” which focuses on stories of sensuality, passion, romance, commitment and connection. The series is their best seller and one of the adult movies won the Feminist Porn Award this past year – “Yes, they have annual awards.” Other pornographic producers are following suit bringing the relationship and intimacy back to pornography.

One of the negative aspects of porn is that it often depicts unrealistic images of both men and women. The women are predominantly young, in great shape, and have often undergone plastic surgery. Women are also portrayed unrealistically in that they appear to be instantaneously aroused, orgasm quickly, easily and without any stimulation other than penetration. The men are well-endowed and have long-lasting erections. The end result may be that you, your partner or both of you may have unrealistic expectations about how you should look and perform sexually.

For some, another negative side effect is the possibility of addiction to pornography. Dopamine is often called the “reward” or “pleasure-giving” neurotransmitter and it is released when you are sexually excited. Additionally, endorphins are released when you orgasm giving you feelings of a peaceful, euphoric bliss. Over time neurons that fire together wire together creating neural maps in our brain that can link pornography, excitement and euphoric bliss together. This is the same area of your brain associated with other addictive behaviors. Additionally, for some viewers as the novelty wears off they become desensitized seeking higher and higher levels of stimulation for satisfaction which can lead to more graphic, aggressive, or fetishistic styles of sex as well as hours alone on the internet searching for that perfect combination.

Our word to the wise, proceed with caution. Know yourself, know your partner. If either one of you is prone to addictive behaviors or find yourself becoming more dependent on pornography as part of your sexual repertoire, you may want to ask yourself is it a prerequisite, a main course, or an occasional appetizer to spice things up?

Counter Attraction was founded by Lynn Valverde, MFT, and Leslie Davis, PsyD, in Los Angeles, California. Counter Attraction offers workshops and relationship counseling for couples. The goal of Counter Attraction is to help couples resolve relationship issues and re-kindle passion by teaching couples the skills they need to recognize where Counter Attraction exists in their relationship, how to attune to their partner through Couples Communication in ordered to come together and work through these difficult areas thereby promoting secure, resilient and successful relationships between partners. Our mission includes the ongoing expansion and refinement of the Counter Attraction model through implementation of the latest research in attachment, neuroscience, early trauma, and mindfulness.

How to Tell Your Partner You Want to Watch Adult Movies During Sex

If you just started a new relationship or have been married for twenty years, when it comes to talking with your lover about the desire to watch adult movies during sex, is never easy. However, in reality you’ll never know how they will answer unless you ask. Instead of hiding it like it’s a dirty little secret, the open communication can improve your sex life and improve other aspects of your relationship.

It’s normal to be worried about your lover’s reaction, use a third-party indirect question such as: “Bill told me over coffee that Linda and him watch channel X while making love. Have you ever imagined watching adult movies during sex? Apparently they really like it.”

The preframe for this conversation is that watching adult movies is a healthy medium. Bill and Linda improved their sex life through stimulating images and auditory enhancers of groans and dirty talk. By asking her if she likes it before you even suggest you’re into it, will loosen up the pressure on you and give you an answer without facing judgement.

Watching Porn Doesn’t Have To Be an Event for Just One

Let’s face it; men love their porn. It is the visual stimulation that turns them on and gets them in the mood. This doesn’t have to be an event that you do by yourself though. You can certainly include your partner so that you can spice up your sex life and perhaps take it to a new level. Porn movies do not have to be secretive, which if found by your partner can lead to arguments and mistrust. You should just bring it up to your partner to see if she may be interested in watching it with you. It will no longer be a “dirty secret” and you can both enjoy your fantasy life together.

When you first bring up the topic of watching porn together you should not just jump right into it. Make sure it is something that you can do together by buying a porn movie that is rather tame to start with. You do not want to start off with something hard core that will scare her off. Ask her what her fantasy might be and then try to find a movie that incorporates it, so that she is more interested in it.

You may also want to consider getting something special for that night. You may want to try a cream that turns women on more. This will not only turn her on, but will bring her to arousal quickly and with more intensity. There even is a product that will really enhance her sex drive. It is a daily supplement that makes a woman feel sexy and beautiful. With these products you are sure to have a better time together than ever before.

With adult entertainment such as porn movies, you can start to have a wonderful and adventurous sex life. Along with personal products that can really enhance your sex drive; you can explore a whole new way to make love that will bring the intimacy back into your relationship. You may become more daring and find that you really enjoy adding this particular aspect to your sex life. Many women love to watch porn but are afraid to try it for fear that their partner may look differently at them. Most likely this isn’t the case for men, but women may be afraid to bring up the topic themselves. If you bring it up, you may be pleasantly surprised at how eager she is to explore new parts of your relationship.

There are many other products that can help you feel good as well. There is one product in particular that will help you stay erect longer and give you a better orgasm and will also work to enhance the overall experience. Whether you want to try certain products or just experience the movie by itself, you will have a new outlook on your sex life, and your partner will be thrilled with how involved you are in making sure that together your sex life can reach completely new heights.

How Pornography Addiction Affects The Sex Lives of Couples

If one half of a couple is addicted to pornography in a monogamous relationship, it is a certainty that over time, the amount of sex that couple will have will reduce significantly (and eventually disappear altogether) and that any sex they do have will gradually become less loving and more perverse or aggressive as time goes on.

Many partners of porn addicts explain how at the start of their relationships their sex lives were breath-taking and about emotional and sexual intimacy but that over time – as their partner’s porn use increased – sex became less tender, more aggressive and far less frequent.

As this happens, many partners gradually begin to feel nothing more than objectified tools for the instant gratification of their porn addict – and totally interchangeable with porn – and cry inwardly at this. Some feel like punching their addict in the face when they are reduced to body parts to be mauled and assaulted during sex. They know their partner’s minds are with the porn images and porn performers they have seen and that they are – in effect – just pseudo sex dolls. They cease to feel cherished as a result. For many, kissing vanishes too – both from sex and their relationship as a whole.

Many loved ones feel that their partners would rather be having sex with “perfect” porn performers and not with their imperfect selves and this makes them feel ugly and undesirable which slowly but surely chips away at their self esteem more and more every day. This is made all the worse when porn addicts ask their partners to re-enact porn scenes they have seen or to act like porn performers during sex. Knowing their partners can only keep an erection if they do, they comply but then feel cheapened afterwards. Sex soon becomes utterly devoid of any real intimacy as a result. Sometimes, partners are not even asked for sex but are just taken roughly from behind. Others are groped whilst they sleep. This is probably because their addict has been watching “unconscious porn”.

As their partner’s addiction escalates, loved ones are often asked to do increasingly disturbing sexual things such as: remove all body hair so they look like the barely legal/ teenage bodies their partners are viewing; engage in S&M and bondage; have pain inflicted on them; have other people involved in their sex (which include “lesbians”, “shemales” and prostitutes); dress like porn performers or strippers; allow themselves to be slapped or strangled and are asked to have rough anal sex – amongst many other things and usually dependent upon what the porn addict has been viewing.

Their porn addicts soon begin to scare them. At first loved ones believe their partners behavior is simply sexual experimentation but soon realise something seriously untoward is happening yet loved ones can still be plagued with the feeling that it is they who are over-reacting and their partner usually agrees – telling them it is they who are “prudes”. Many loved ones do not want to be giving their partners what they often term “the nastier stuff” because it feels like a sort of rape to them but often do not have the strength to say no because they fear their addict will do porn all the more – and this is one of their worst fears as the porn is “competition”. One woman in my research wrote “Porn to me is like him having a lot of different mistresses – all of which my husband prefers to me. My husband has something that I can’t compete with – a never-ending stream of women who will do whatever he wants and ask for nothing in return.”

Often, porn addicts will go to porn for their arousal prior to sex leaving their partners naked in bed waiting for them. This hurts partners deeply. Sex then usually lasts only a few minutes and then the person leaves them immediately after climax (that is if climax is still possible due to the erectile dysfunction issues addicts have due to escalating porn use which is often the case).

The partners of porn addicts become obsessed over time with trying to get closer again to their loved ones as well as doing all they can to control or stop their partners porn use and will often go to great lengths to try and accomplish these things. In the process they often end up abandoning all their inhibitions and do things they do not want to be doing. But even “spicing things up” (like being filmed, photographed, going to adult or swingers clubs with their partners or adding more people to the sexual mix) does not keep their partners attention for long. More is then expected sexually of the partner. And whether the loved one gives the addict sex or not, the porn use never stops regardless how many times a day sex is given. Often, partners find their partners doing porn soon after having sex with them.

Often loved ones will start off being “the cool wife/ partner” by watching soft-core porn with the person, getting them subscriptions to porn magazines or porn channels as well as doing the whole “strip club” thing with them but none of these things bring the couple closer together. Quite the opposite in fact. It pushes them further apart because the loved one is enabling the addicts addiction and sex eventually becomes non-existent. Instead the addict just ends up just wanting to do porn on their own as their addiction progresses and the loved one is always thrown on the sexual scrap-heap feeling like just a room-mate to the person. If sex happens at all, it is usually the partner who initiates it and even then, there’s no foreplay or warmth and the addict has trouble orgasming or simply just staying erect/ aroused. Often addicts will fake orgasm then masturbate to porn whilst their loved one is asleep next to them. Addicts cunningly cover their backs by asking for sex only when their partner is too drained to be able to do it. Begging for sex starts to become humiliating for loved ones.

And so it goes on and on… Sometimes loved ones sleep on the couch to try and get the person to see sense but their addict simply does porn more now they don’t have to think of their partner being in the bedroom. Or the porn addict says they have erectile dysfunction due to being on an anti-depressant only to then be caught by their partner downloading porn and masturbating. Porn addicts end up complaining to their partners about being hounded for sex which leaves the self esteem of the loved one in shreds. This is the same for gay and straight relationships and where the porn addict is male or female.

And yet here is the irony… When the partners of porn addicts are being rejected left, right and centre sex wise their porn addicted partners are likely acting out with 3D games that allow players to “have sex with” performers where they can “give performers virtual orgasms”. If they are not doing that they also have the choice to buy and “have sex with” performer “body parts” (vagina and anus) made in the performers exact measurements. The real life partner is dying inside waiting for their loved one to touch them meanwhile “sex” is going on with a blow up body part and one day soon, a virtual reality avatar…

Stimulating Penis Performance Through Watching Porn With a Partner

Penis stimulation, which is a key ingredient in maintaining proper penis health, comes about in a variety of ways. For many men, viewing some form of porn is one of their favorite methods of achieving penile enjoyment. Often, adult entertainment is a tool for masturbatory activities, but many men would enjoy adding a little adult entertainment into the mix with their female sexual partners. The problem is that many men fear, and perhaps with justification, that the woman (or women) in their lives would look down on them for watching erotic films, never mind asking them to be involved. But for those with a willing partner, adding adult entertainment can add a little extra spice to their sex lives.

Assess the situation.

While the popular view is that women are mortally offended by adult entertainment, this is certainly not true for all women. According to information from Brigham Young University, as many as 1 out of 3 visitors to adult web sites are women. So it’s possible a lady may be more “into” the idea of exotic viewing than she lets on.

If a woman has made comments that clearly indicate she believes adult entertainment to be unworthy of respect and attention, it’s probably a good idea to steer clear of asking her. But if she has not made her feelings known, a man should look for clues about her feelings. In a best case scenario, he should go ahead and make his own positive experiences with adult entertainment known and ask her how she feels – but he should also realize that in some instances, this honesty may bring about a difficult time in or an end to the relationship.

Determine tastes.

If a woman has an interest in adult entertainment, a man should then find out where their tastes and experiences overlap. If she has only made small forays into the world of adult entertainment and he is a connoisseur, it may be prudent not to jump into some of the more heavy duty or unusual viewing experiences. Also, a man should find out whether there is a preference for movies/videos, still photographs, or erotic literature. Once all this is established, the man and woman can move forward.

Start slowly but then experiment.

Most couples may want to start slowly. For example, they may put in a DVD or pull up a computer video, lie back in each other’s arms and just indulge in mutual masturbation as they watch the onscreen antics of the actors.

Paying attention to how the woman reacts is important. A man can then decide if a little dirty talk is appropriate, and if so what kind: Should it focus on commentary related to what is happening on screen or should it be more personal, comparing (favorably, of course) your partner’s attributes to those of the sex kitten onscreen?

Many couples prefer to use adult entertainment strictly for mutual masturbation sessions, but others like to use it as foreplay, leading to oral sex or intercourse. For those who move beyond the masturbation, adult entertainment can be an excellent way of introducing new positions into their sex lives by copying what they see onscreen.

Be complimentary.

After the sexual interlude is over, the man should make sure to be attentive to his partner; while discussing the adult entertainment is appropriate, it should always be in the context of how it makes him appreciate his real life partner.

Using adult entertainment with a partner to achieve maximum penis stimulation can often result in a sore penis, so employing an exceptional penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) is essential. Letting a partner rub in a cream that includes a superior emollient like shea butter will both soothe the sore penis and strengthen the bond between the partners. And a man that selects a cream that also includes vitamin A is showing his respect for his partner, as vitamin A has anti-bacterial properties that help reduce penis odor, a turn-off for many women.

Read This Before Downloading Any Adult Sex Guide

The online world is actually inundated with adult sex guides. Just try searching for them on your favorite search engine and you are going to see such a lot of them waiting for you. They are all priced differently according to what they are supposed to contain and they contain different things as well. But, the point is, do you really need an adult sex guide?

The question you have to ask yourself is why you are looking for such a book to help you. Definitely the answer is that you are looking at improving your sexual performance. You are looking at giving your woman greater pleasure in bed. And you are hoping that the tantalizing sex guide you are looking forward to download will help you with it.

But, the fact is, no sex guide can help you if you don’t help yourself. These are some points you have to consider beforehand.

1. Good sex doesn’t come without a good equation with your partner. Yes, there are books that will train you in the pure art of carnal sex, but if you are in a long term committed relationship, then such a book won’t help you. Probably you will need a book that will tell you how to construct a better relationship with your partner than just some meaningless sex.

2. If you indulge in a great deal of foreplay, you can arouse your woman immensely. This is something that can really help you in what lies ahead. Maybe you won’t need the adult sex guide to spice up your act after that.

3. Another thing you have to consider is that you will need to actually implement the things that are mentioned in the guide if you want it to be effective for you. You cannot just read the book and then not implement it. Then it would be a futile exercise. In all probability the book is going to tell you about how you can have some more daring sexual experiences to make things more exciting-you have to be able to use that.

These are some of the things that you have to consider before downloading any adult sex guide. Will you be able to do it? That’s the question you have to answer.

How to Carefully Approach Adult Sex Dating

I think there comes a point when we have to stop being a society in denial. The internet is a place of all sorts and adult sex dating is one of the realities of the internet-dating world. Not everyone is looking for a relationship and not everyone is looking for a date to spend the night. There are some of us with a clear understanding of exactly what they want in life and I think I can applaud them for being honest with themselves. Dating sites that are specific about their intent and their demographic are quite readily available online, with varying names – some famous and some not.

They also are quite a few that cater to very specific sexual and niche interests, I mean the world is made up of all sorts and the internet has allowed them to find a place in the world where they can find like minded individuals who would be able to share their same likes and dislikes. Some of us have higher libidos than other’s and are much more comfortable with our own sexualities. This is the driving force behind these websites and dating services. It isn’t because that society has become perverted and that they need to run to the corners of the digital world to see their interests expressed.

It is much the other way around. Some of us have matured more than others and we need to see that human are murals of expression and we are built with different colours of the human spectrum. We cannot always have a negative thought to those who are honest about themselves, we cannot treat them as outcasts of society just because we cannot understand them. We must be patient, we must be accepting, we must be enlightened. Yes the adult sex dating scene is a dangerous world with potential stalkers and nefarious beings but these dating sites are pretty secure in their treatment of their subject matter. Privacy is at an all time high and the quality websites filter all the potential malware, scams, pornographic companies that try to infiltrate their databases to garner more business. Adult sex dating is all about the physical relationship and the discovery of both pleasure and physical attraction. But this does not mean that it cannot be pure.

There are those who will take advantage of the system and there are those who are in it because it is a part of their lifestyle. Normally, the end users of these websites will be able to weed out these individuals and get them banned. There are quite a few quality adult sex dating sites online and you can spot them because of the fact that they are discreet, offer a comprehensive security warning, have many pages of disclaimers and require that you complete and fill out a personal particulars form before you continue – one that has to be verified through email. These precautions and more are there to keep out the black hats and make adult sex dating a safer experience for those who would like to find an avenue to express themselves.