First of all, the term “great sex” is totally subjective. What I considered great sex or a fantastic lover to me many years ago does not even come close in measuring up to subsequent sexual experiences. I didn’t know what I was missing as I had nothing better to compare it to at the time. Lucky for me it has become progressively better and I’ve learned so much about my own sexuality and relationships over the years. Also, I have learned a lot of terrific tips from working with many other couples in facilitating relationship counseling. In particular, I’ve gained many insights about women who have certain hang-ups with sexual intimacy.
Many women remain remarkably confused about what great sex is and how to have it. Sometimes they are shadowed by self-doubt, and clouded by sexual myths and misperceptions. Often women tend to get in their own way of being able to experience greater sexual pleasure and more intimate relationships. They seem to self-sabotage opportunities for real intimacy with their own insecurities. That brings us to the first and most important sex tip:
1: Do not compare yourself to other women.
Every man I’ve talked to about sexuality and relationships agrees that the most attractive quality in a woman is self-confidence. When you compare yourself to other women, whether it may be people you know or have seen in magazines or in the media, it tends to trigger insecurity and a lack of confidence with your own body and sexuality. If you focus on your self-perceived physical flaws, then it may draw more attention to them and distract you from enjoying the experience. Rather, practice conveying undeniable self-assurance and certainty that is obvious by the look in your eyes and the energy you project. Know that YOU are the one that he’s lucky enough to be with, and to make the best of the opportunity to deepen your connection and have a good time.
2: Have a sense of humor about sex.
Sex is not always picture perfect and impeccably performed like a scene out of a romance novel. There may be times when things just don’t go quite the way you’d like them to. One of you may have difficulty with a certain sexual position, or get a cramp, or be interrupted by a phone call or a knock at the door. There may be awkward moments with involuntary bodily functions occurring during lovemaking, or capturing the interest of your dog who wants to get in on all the fun. Sometimes you just need to laugh! As life, love and sex always organically unfold in unexpected ways. When you can lighten up and not take things so seriously, then it’s easier to enjoy sex however it all plays out.
3: Communication is key. Ask for what you want.
Take up a little pillow talk before or after sex to communicate what turns you on the most, or what may not necessarily be your cup of tea. Discuss your preferences and what works for you, as well as asking questions about what your partner is partial to. Share your fantasies and interests about sexuality, and if necessary, you can even demonstrate what feels good or how the best way is to make you orgasm. Men are not very good mind readers. In fact, most of them need very clear direction as to what to do and how to do it. The good thing is that most men are easily trainable, and with clear communication, they will most likely do whatever they can to please you. The more you become comfortable and familiar with your own sexual potential, then the easier it is to lead the way into a more pleasurable experience.
4: It’s more about the journey and not so much the destination.
Perhaps for most animal species, as well as a lot of men, the objective of sex is to ejaculate. If you’re only focused on the end result, the final destination, then you may miss out on all the fun to be had along the way. Sex is more of a journey and it is essential to be fully present in each and every moment of the entire experience. There are many ways to focus your energy and awareness in co-creating each step of your “sexpedition”. Make eye contact as much as possible and try to synchronize your breathing. Also take time for exploring one another’s bodies with your hands, your mouth, various props – whatever will intensify sensitivity and intimate connection. Try mixing it up with various positions and locations, as well as erogenous intermissions to stimulate your most sensitive areas for added excitement.
5: You don’t have to perform like a porn star.
This is where many men get hung up, as they most likely learned a lot about sex from pornography. They may have high expectations of how both women and men should behave sexually based on what they’ve been exposed to in porn films. The obvious truth is, most couples don’t look or act like porn stars and should not expect their partner to perform like one. Adult entertainers get paid to act, and sometimes exploit the sacred practice quite outrageously. Porn can sometimes inspire us to greater sexual exploration; however it’s not always an ideal depiction of a ‘normal’ sex life with average couples. It may be amusing to view porn occasionally for fun and a bit of a turn on, however, excessive exposure to another’s erotic production might distort our perception of reality, expectations and relationships.
6: Schedule time for sex.
It may seem a bit impersonal; however the anticipation of an impending sexual agenda can be rather arousing and stimulating. It also may help reduce the guesswork – nothing is more frustrating that getting yourself in the mood and then finding out his plans to watch a football game. Scheduling time for sex is great for couples in long-term relationships, who’ve passed the can’t-keep-their-hands-off-each-other phase. You can stoke the fire and spark the passion by establishing a time for intimacy, then tease one another throughout the day with provocative innuendos. When your intentions are clearly stated, you can be ready and avoid distractions and disruptions. The phones are turned off, the kids are at a friend’s house, the dog is locked out, and you can be completely focused on one another. When we are more prepared, like having your teeth brushed and wearing some sexy panties or lingerie, then you may be less self-conscious and more in the mood for uninhibited playtime.
7: Keep it interesting. Spice up the same ol’ standby.
Many couples fall into a routine with their usual sexual interplay, which is all right if you’re both satisfied with the way it is. But it seems a bit trite at times, then try some new things and keep an open mind about introducing different sexual scenarios and products. You may want to experiment with various couples toys such as the We Vibe, or warming gels for a rousing tingling sensation that will really tickle your fancy. If you’re concerned about the quality of products and prefer to keep it all organic and pure, then you may consider trying [G] stimulating gel, which is the only all-natural lubricant and clitoral stimulating gel with added health benefits. [G] also contains carageenan, which is a sea algae that may help prevent certain STDs and cervical cancer.